Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Kidney Update

Way back on 12/3 we went to Children's Hospital for a follow up ultrasound on Sadie's kidney and I'm just now getting around to blogging about it. Man, babies keep you busy!

We had an ultrasound while we were still in the hospital and they said that everything looked fine. Apparently they don't know anything about anything.

We started off in the ultrasound area at Children's - her ultrasound was completed but the tech didn't tell us anything about it - which is normal, just not for me since every ultrasound tech we had through pregnancy would at least give us a little information! She sent the pictures up to the doctor. After the ultrasound was completed we went upstairs to the urology department to meet with the doctor. This was one of the longest days ever. I am pretty sure our appointment was at 10 or so in the morning and we didn't get home until almost 3!

Side note: I successfully nursed in public for the first time in the waiting room at the hospital! Ok, so not technically a super public place, like a restaurant or something, but close enough. There were a lot of people there! We hadn't started Sadie on bottles yet and I was nervous when I realized that this was going to be an all day event because eventually she'd have to eat. Also - I am not very skilled at using my nursing cover yet, so I was also nervous about that but it was a success! I'm pretty proud of myself. I don't think I'll nurse in public often, especially since we've started the little lady on bottles. I guess it's nice to know that the option is there in case she finishes a bottle and is still hungry, or in case I forget to bring a bottle (it'll happen, I know it).

We waited in the waiting room for so long! It was annoying because we'd been there for about an hour an no one had even been called back within that hour! Later I found out that there was basically only one doctor in the office at the time so I can see why the wait was so long.

Finally we got called back and Little Miss was weighed (10.3 pounds, they let her keep her clothes on so I rounded down to 10 pounds). We hung out in a room for a few minutes and the doctor came in and said that her left kidney was still mildly to moderately dilated and that her right kidney was very mildly dilated. Apparently she has a disease called Hydronephrosis which literally means, "water inside the kidney." I was kind of taken aback when he said she has this "disease." It doesn't mean anything to me now because she's still my perfect baby, I just was shocked to hear someone diagnose her with a 'disease'.

The doctor said we don't really know if she has reflux right now (urine going back up into the kidney instead of coming out). We could put her on antibiotics to try to resolve the issue but she'd likely have to be on them for 1-1.5 years. That's a long time to be on antibiotics, everyday. He said that this disease has only been around for as long as ultrasounds have been able to detect it (20-25 years) but babies have been born with it unknowingly for much longer than that. Once the disease was discovered doctors began over treating patients with this disease and now they are trying to go back to only treating when absolutely necessary. Who knows how many babies were born with this prior to ultrasounds being able to detect it, and those kids were just fine. ;o)

The plan is to continue to monitor Sadie's kidneys through ultrasound every 3 months. If nothing changes by the time she's 1 we will continue to get ultrasounds after that once a year. If her kidneys get worse or leave the moderate range it's likely that she'll have a small surgery to correct the issue. Our main concern is that we don't want any permanent damage done to the kidneys. This would most likely come with an infection (kidney, or possibly bladder). We were told to contact our pediatrician and Children's if she gets a fever or just ever is not acting herself - she could still be sick without the fever. He basically told us to be the crazy parents who call each time their child isn't acting like they normally do. I'm glad he gave us permission (so far we haven't had to call but I do second guess myself all the time - she just blinked 4 times in 30 seconds, is she not acting herself today?!) to be the crazy parents.

Other updates:

Sadie was 10.5 pounds at her 1 month appointment on 12/6! She's my little chunk! Her 2 month goal is to be making eye contact with us and socially smiling. I think there may have been one more goal in there, but I forgot what it is. I think she's doing it already, whatever it is. She has started smiling more, and giggling, but it's only ever been at us (or someone) a few times. Normally it's still in her sleep or at the ghosties on the walls over my shoulders. Her next appointment is in a few weeks, more shots. Curious to see what her weight will be this time!

I have my postpartum appointment tomorrow. I'm really nervous for it - that's all I'll say about that.

Last update:


Thursday, December 12, 2013

... I got the call...

Yesterday the eligibility vendor from work called to inform me that my return to work date for my short term disability claim would be MONDAY. Yes, Monday, as in 4 days away. Luckily I still have 6 additional weeks of "bonding leave" available to me which I am happily taking which means I won't have to go back to work until the end of January. It just really started to sink in that being with my baby 24 hours a day 7 days a week isn't going to last forever.

I spent most of the evening snuggling my little girl and crying my eyes out because I don't see how it'll ever be possible to leave her for 8+ hours a day, 40+ hours a week, 5 out of 7 days a week. I just don't think I am strong enough to be able to leave her for that long. What if she needs me? What if her babysitter can't calm her? What if she gets scared or doesn't feel well and just wants her mama? What if she's not acting herself or gets a fever and the sitter doesn't call me so I can alert her pediatrician and Children's Hospital (this would be due to her Hydronephrosis - post coming soon). What if her mama cries all the time at work because she can't bear to be away from the best thing that ever happened to her?

It's a good thing Matthew wasn't home while this was happening because he wouldn't have been happy with these shenanigans. He says, "You can do it. Women do it all the time." Yes. They do. Lots of women go back to work and enjoy it and are wonderful mommies and have a great work/life/mommy balance. I just can't be one of those people. I cannot fathom someone else seeing my baby roll over for the first time, or sit up on her own, crawl... take her first steps. These are all "firsts" that I risk missing out on for someone else to see because I have to go to work. I don't think Matthew understands that.

If you really get down to it, I'll have about 15 hours of awake time with my Sadie girl during the week. She'll likely still be sleeping when I leave for work in the morning and once I get off work, get her picked up from the sitter and back home we'll have probably only 3 hours before it's time for bed. Yes, I'll have two weekend days to spend with her, but that's just not enough.

The one and only thing I've ever wanted to be in my life is a mom and I feel like once I go back to work I won't fully get to be the mom I want to be.

To add to my sad, poor me night, someone posted THIS BLOG POST on Facebook. It was beautiful and well written, but I shouldn't have read it last night of all nights. I feel this exact same way. I miss my little girl when she's just inches away from me. I look at her pictures when she's sleeping and just want to run to her and hold her and smell her sweetness and give her one hundred more kisses.

I'm thinking of some get-rich-quick schemes so that I can get rich quick and not have to go back to work in 6 weeks. Suggestions are welcome.

In all honesty, I secretly want my husband to sell his business so he can get a more stable job/career so I can stay home with my girl. This is incredibly selfish of me because he loves what he does, he loves owning a business and being his own boss, but I want to love what I do too and what I'd love to do is be a stay-at-home-mom. We've discussed possible options for the future but I feel like that's all it is. Discussions. Nothing would ever actually come of these discussions because for me they're just dreams, and for him it's just "something to think about." Not seriously though. 

Truth be told, I can't do it. I just can't.

Plain and simple, leaving my daughter is going to be the absolute hardest thing I've ever had to do and I don't know how to prepare myself for it.

For now, I am enjoying every second with her but it's hard not to think about this special time ending, having our lives disrupted by that little thing called work.

Leaving you with this so I can go watch my beautiful little girl sleep so sweetly.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Say It Ain't So...

Someone please tell me my baby isn't already ONE month old! Weren't we just on our way home from the hospital yesterday?

This has been a crazy whirlwind of a month. Yesterday I was thinking about what my life was like before Sadie was here. I can't even remember what we did in our free time. I don't have any free time now it seems, and that's ok with me!

Here are some of my favorite pictures from today:

I love the faces this little girl makes. I think she thinks her dad is crazy when he blows raspberries on her belly!

She's still loving getting her hair washed and really likes bath time now that we can actually put her in the water instead of just giving her a sponge bath. Her cord is completely gone as of 11/27.

If she's fussy all she needs is for dad to hold her straight up and down and she's happy (and usually asleep) again in seconds.

She loves white noise and so long as she actually lets me shower long enough to wash my hair she'll fall asleep to the sound of the hair dryer. I'm so thankful my SIL recommended (and got us as a shower gift) as awesome white noise machine! Although she's not sleeping in her own room yet it does come in handy after night time feedings trying to get her back to sleep.

She had her first Thanksgiving at grandma and grandpa Dickson's and at her uncle and aunt's house as well. She got tons of attention from her 4 year old cousin, Ethan, which really surprised everyone since he has never been into babies. She was pretty fussy by the time we got to my brother's house and Ethan thought he'd have the magic touch. He kept saying, "Just put it in my lap. C'mon, just put it in my lap!" He also thought playing "Teek-a-boo" would get her to calm down. It was so sweet.

Here is E playing peek-a-boo with Sadie :o)
At Sadie's last doctor's appointment she was 8 pounds on the dot. Exactly one week later I took her for a free weigh check at the women's center and she had gained 15 ounces! After that I decided that breastfeeding was going well and that I'd keep it up. I haven't had any serious freak outs since then about whether or not my supply was good enough because it seems to be doing the job. We had Sadie's follow up ultrasound and met with the urologist at Children's Hospital yesterday and they weighed her (with clothes and diaper on) at 10.3 pounds. I rounded down to 10 pounds since she had clothes and a wet diaper. My baby likes to eat. 
Sadie has been nicknamed Cheeks. We love her cheeks and kiss and squeeze them {gently} thousands of times a day. 
She is currently sleeping 3.5-4 hours at night with random surprises of 5 hour stretches. Love those! She normally gets up around 3 and I definitely don't mind that feeding. It's very easy for me to get up and change her and feed her. She generally falls right back to sleep after. The issue I have is the next feeding. Usually between 6-8. I, for the life of me, cannot get out of bed at the feeding and usually ask Matt to change her diaper and bring her back to bed to eat. He usually takes her after this session and I go back to sleep. I love that man. There have been times when I've gone back to sleep at 7-7:30 and he let's me sleep until 10! Are you serious? How wonderful! 
We have lots of fun events coming up. We're meeting Santa on Saturday - we'll meet him two other times before the season is over! And on Sunday we have Sadie's cousins first birthday party! Wahoo! We're waiting on the arrival of a new baby girl cousin in January and a baby boy cousin in February! We can't wait to meet these babies! 
Leaving you with these: