Saturday, January 4, 2014

2 Months

It's been two months since Sadie was born. It seems impossible that she's already been here for two months and that it's ONLY been two months all at the same time. I feel like she has been a part of our lives forever. I don't know what my days were like when she wasn't in my life.

Sometimes I think back to my pregnancy days and think it's just incredible that the little girl whose face I can't stop staring at and cheeks I can't stop kissing is the same little girl who was kicking away in my belly just 9 weeks ago! You wonder what your baby will look like or be like when you're pregnant but never in my wildest dreams could I have guessed she would be as beautiful and perfect as she is!

Sadie has changed so much since her one month update!
*She's smiling and giggling (on occasion) now - she has the prettiest little smile. It makes my day every single time I see it.

*She does really well at holding her head up for extended periods of time. She doesn't love tummy time, but will suffer through it for a few minutes. She really loves being held on my chest and using her hands to push herself away from me. This is when she really gets that head control practice!

*She turns her head to the sound of my voice. I love laying her on the bed before bath time and moving from one side of her to the other so she will turn her head to me.

*She eats like a champ. I cannot wait for her 2 month appointment next week to see how much she weighs. I'm guessing it's probably about 13 pounds?!

*She's a fantastic sleeper. She seems to have set her own little schedule of falling asleep around 8:30 or 9 and sleeping until 7-7:30 in the morning!!!...Seriously hope I'm not jinxing myself by typing her new "normal" sleep schedule.

*She's starting to love her play mat. She loves the music and the lights.

*She loves looking at the TV, but don't tell her daddy because he thinks she will fry her brain watching TV at this age. :) 

We are still working on getting Sadie to sleep in her crib. I think it just might be a little too early yet. I'm not in a huge hurry for her to be in her own room, but at the same time I don't want her to get too used to sleeping in her Rock N Play. I think within the next few weeks I'll bring the Pack N Play up and try to get her to sleep there, and then try again to transition her to the crib during naps.

Speaking of naps... This little one slept for probably about 2 hours during the day yesterday! Ridiculous! She wouldn't sleep unless she was being held, and again, I don't want her to get used to being held while napping. She was so exhausted by the time 8:30 rolled around. She conked out and didn't even bother waking up when I put her in her sleep sack! She slept a lot more during the day today, but I wasn't feeling well so I just let her sleep on me for most of her naps.We both needed the cuddles I think.

My normally calm and happy baby has been rather fussy this week. According to my Wonder Weeks app she is going through the Patterns Leap where after making this leap she will no longer see the world as a bowl of soup. She will begin to differentiate regular patterns. This leap usually occurs between 7.5 and 9.5 weeks, and she should be able to feel her toys, hold her head up better (check), turn her head towards sounds (check), discover body parts like her hands, and look at patterns like a flickering candle. I hope after making this leap I get my happy girl back!

Here are some of my favorite pictures from our photo shoot today:

 I just love that face!
 One word: Rolls!
Over the photo shoot at this point :o) She still looks cute when she's fussing though!

Thursday, January 2, 2014

A Small Glimmer of Hope

And by small I mean teeny tiny. 

My sadness about having to go back to work continues. Some days I try and convince myself that I can do it, and then I think about Sadie rolling over for the first time while I'm responding to an email from a client who doesn't really truly mean anything to me. I don't want to be responding to those emails while my Sadie Baby is learning new things by the minute! 

The other thing I am struggling with is that in addition to having to work 40 hours a week I'll still have all of the household stuff to do each day/week which is going to take even more time away from Sadie and I (and Matthew). Yes, I could ask Matthew to start helping out around the house. I do ask him sometimes, and sometimes he helps - but let's face it, if you want something done you have to do it yourself (most of the time). The list just keeps scrolling through my head; laundry, grocery shopping, dishes, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, laundry, laundry, cleaning up after Matthew :o)

I had a not-super-serious talk with the husband about my concerns. I was honest with him and told him that I didn't think it was fair that he would get to basically live out his dream of owning this business but I would never get to do/be what I truly wanted - to stay home to raise my family. I really hesitated telling him this because I never want to feel like I'm pressuring him or nagging him, and by playing the "fair" card, I felt as if I would be doing exactly that. I don't want him to feel like he has to make a huge life change because he feels bad for me ...or something.. I'm not sure if I'm explaining that right. I *think* he heard me this time. Of course we went through the whole "if you seriously wanted to be a stay at home mom we shouldn't have bought a house" or done this-that-and-the-other deal. He's known that this is something I've wanted since we decided we'd have a family together. 

We ended our conversation with him saying he'd talk to his accountant about numbers and that he currently has enough work to make it happen, he just needs to hire more efficient employees so they're able to take on even more work (his words, not mine). I am happy with the way the conversation ended. He heard what I had to say and he knows now what I'm feeling. That's all I can ask for right now. 

We certainly don't have anything set in stone and I'm not sending my employer any sort of notice right now! We still have to discuss this and look at some numbers, but it's on the table! I technically have to work for at least 2 weeks in order to avoid having to pay the full cost for my medical bills anyway. Maybe working those 2 weeks will help me to see that going back to work isn't as bad as I thought it'd be... or not. :) My SIL made a good point - it's not going to get any easier for me if I have the attitude that I HAVE to work, or that I'm being forced to do something I don't want to do. 

We will see what happens. In the mean time I still have 3.5 more weeks at home with my little love!

Also, can it really be 2014 already? I don't even know how that happened! 

Here are some pictures from our 2013 Holiday season! 

Matthew's Birthday Dinner 
Sadie's first time meeting Santa! 
Christmas Eve 
Sadie and I on Christmas Day